The Liceo Europeo school has collaborated on numerous occasions with Silvia Álava, a health and educational psychologist and lecturer.
What is the most common answer among parents when asked what they want for their children? For them to be happy. Based on this premise, a conference was organized for parents to educate them about happiness.
Silvia Álava used humor and everyday situations to analyze the challenges parents face today, where excessive guilt, overprotection, and a desire for perfection prevail, which, in the psychologist’s words, “does not exist, because perfect people do not exist.” Álava therefore encouraged parents to lose their fear of failure so as not to pass on that frustration to their children and to “prepare your child for the path, not the path for your children. Those who prepare the path are ‘steamroller’ parents, who prevent their children from developing emotional skills, which will lead to more insecurity and unhappiness in the future.”
Silvia Álava presented a list of ten tips that can be very useful for teaching children about happiness:
1. The greatest gift you can give a child is your attention.
This attention must be high quality, through active listening. We feel heard through our eyes. We need to be looked at.
2. Don’t pressure them.
Give children small challenges, which are always more effective than punishment.
3. Measure what you ask of children carefully.
Don’t demand what they can’t do. The pursuit of perfection in children often leads to demanding things of them that they are not ready for.
4. Reinforce every step they take, no matter how small.
We all need recognition from those around us. Children will gain confidence and autonomy.
5. Look for things they are good at, where they can excel, even if it is outside of school.
Playing sports is very useful in this regard, because it also shows that the things that bring the most happiness are earned through continuous effort.
6. Mitigate flaws and enhance virtues.
It is necessary to reinforce positively, without comparisons. Children also appreciate it when their parents show pride in them and let them and their loved ones know.
7. If you need it, ask for help.
Parents’ desire for perfection often prevents them from asking for help, and this, combined with lack of time and fatigue, leads to frustration.
8. Teach them to think and give them resources.
Avoid saying “I’ll do it” or “wait until I get home and we’ll do it.” These messages make children feel incapable. Instead, ask “What do you think? How would you do it?”
9. Look for happy moments with them.
The little things in life bring happiness. Make sure these moments are quality time, paying attention to your child.
10. Life is more than a report card.
This point is directly related to points 5 and 8. None of us remember doing homework with our parents as happy moments.